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Imagine living life as it comes. Getting up everyday to a comfortable routine. One where everything is laid out for you, and all you have to do is be present. Along the way you meet people: friends, colleagues, and acquaintances alike. Life is absolutely perfect. However, eventually you run into people who seem great at first, until you realize that things aren’t actually the way they seem. You notice inconsistencies in some of your relationships. Some of which have an effect your your personal life, and goals. This is life for many. If you have a journey or goal to reach, you will most likely encounter those who do not want that for you. In my experience, here are the 4 people like that who I’ve run into, and how I work to avoid them.

                                                              Dishonest people

Per Dictionary.com: a lie is “a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.” I’ve never met a person who had never told a small lie. It is actually a pretty common occurrence in life. Whether it’s lying about your weight on your driver’s license, or withholding information about your personal life at work. Sometimes lying happens without having an effect on the lives of others.

That is personally where I draw the line. If someone lies about not liking apple pie because their crush bought them a slice, and they don’t want to hurt their feelings, that is not a big deal to me. When people intentionally lie to gain at the detriment of others, I’d rather spend my time elsewhere. examples:

 – Withholding information to get someone to agree to a deed or favor that you need.

 – Cheating in a relationship without either parties knowing.

 – Blaming someone for a wrongful act that you committed.

These three very vague examples can be expounded in many ways. But the bottom line is that lying to the detriment of others is malicious, and takes a large lack of care for others. And that scares the crap out of me!

                                         People who resent your positive life events

There isn’t a more aggravating situation than having a colleague or friend who is jealous of you. This gets on my nerves for two reasons:

1.  Their lack of whatever it is that they want from you may not always be in your control. How is it fair that you have a great relationship with your mom, or spouse, while your friend just had a divorce, and her mother is narcissistic? It goes into the territory of projecting one’s insecurities just for the relationships that you have cultivated. that is toxic.
2. It puts a strain on the relationship that you have with that person. Had you known that beneficial events in your life would unravel your friendship, you most likely wouldn’t share those events. How is that fair to you?

In my mind, a jealous person can be dangerous, because the negative feelings that come from jealousy can cause some to do insane things! who wants to deal with that just for existing?

                                              Those with a negative outlook on life

There is a saying that you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. because of this idea, it is so imperative that you surround yourself with people who make you feel motivated, secure in your relationship, and overall content. However, this isn’t always the case. everyone has that one acquaintance who just give off a dark aura. 

Being negative isn’t just sulking. some other examples of negativity are:

 – Being a naysayer – downing most of your dreams or accomplishments

 – Rude irritable or mean behavior towards others for no reason – if you are associated with this person, their victims will avoid you too.

 – Always complaining. Negative people are NEVER satisfied, and will spend a lot of time talking about how things go wrong, and why they have no control over it.

The bottom line is that negative people will never benefit you or your goals, and will affet your mental health. If you are trying to reach a goal or improve your life, run.

                                              People who suck the life out of you

To me, codependence is a hard one to avoid because I can be a bit of a people pleaser when I meet a new person or friend. I think it stems from a childhood of wanting approval from my strict parents. And it’s something that I am still trying to break free form. However, displaying people pleasing behavior leaves you open to needy people. My most recent encounter with this played out with the friendship fizzling out, and taught me that you don’t need to give your all early on in any relationship.  some examples of codependent behavior:

 – Being controlling: not wanting you to make other friends, or do certain things without them.

 – Constant favors. This person will always have a dire need from you. Needs that have to come before your own, and require you to drop everything and address in real time. How were they getting all of this before you met?

 – Consequences for lack of availability: The times that you are sick in bed, or out of town with your spouse are met with things like screaming, crying, or the silent treatment. This is simply because you were not at their beckon and call. How exhausting.

Conclusion

The big takeaway from this is that you cannot please everyone in life. Doing so would even sometimes require you to lower your own potential. That means declining that job offer, breaking up with your loving spouse, or staying home from that dream vacation. The point that I’m trying to bring home is that everyone doesn’t want the best for you. You will encounter people who are attracted to your accomplishments, and even weigh you down on your journey towards your goals.

So how do you deal with the people described above? Are there any other type of people to avoid in life? if so, I’d love to hear more examples. For more reading similar to this article please check out more of my posts on intrapersonal relationships. thanks for reading!